


Save my soul and help me not to drown

by softliangel



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anorexia, Depression, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Psychic Violence, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-13 05:27:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29148201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softliangel/pseuds/softliangel
Summary: Harry Styles, a 22-year-old musician, must live in a psychiatric hospital after having a severe breakdown due to his deteriorated mental health.There, he meets Louis Tomlinson, a charismatic 24-year-old resident of the speciality of psychiatry that is assigned to take care of the musician.Little by little, Louis develops feelings for Harry, becoming mutual with time.But Harry is scared, does he really like Louis or it's just his unstable mental health? What can go wrong when you fall in love with your patient?
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Read carefully, this story will talk a lot about mental health issues and, in some chapters, about psychological abuse. This is fiction, I'm not assuming ANY of the characters' personalities or the story of their lives  
> Hope you like this :)

There was a cold winter breeze through that large park, decorated with beautiful flower beds and pretty colourful flowers bathed in a thin layer of snow.  
Harry walked through the outdoor corridor to the reception of the hospital, which awaited him with a warmth that any film director would have suppressed just to maintain the old eerie look of the building.  
A man with black hair and long eyelashes, who according to Harry should not be over 30, looked at him and in a deep but also soft voice said:  
-Good morning, can I help you with something?  
Harry analysed it discreetly, his ID said Malik, Zayn. His eyes were honey-coloured and from what his ring counted, he was married.  
-Uhm yeah, I'm coming for..., um, Simon Cowell?  
-Are you Harry Styles?  
-Aham, Yes  
-Cowell told us that you will most likely come.  
Harry laughed dryly  
-I didn't have much choice. He is my manager, I must do what he tells me.  
-Are you over 18?  
-Yes  
-Okay, fill out this form. Name, surname, date of birth, relatives, phone numbers The green-eyed man sighed and with delicate handwriting completed the form. When he finished, he handed it to the dark-haired man, who told him to follow him.  
-Look, you must leave your belongings in this box. It has your name on it, it will be returned to you when you leave. Regarding the cell phone, that will depend on your progress. Questions?  
"No," he replied, taking off his watch and taking his wallet and cell phone out of his pockets.  
-Okay. Look! He is the doctor who is going to attend you.  
A man with brown hair and brown eyes approached. Behind him were two young men. One of them had beautiful slightly slanted ocean eyes and short brown hair. The other one was blonde but with brown roots and light blue eyes.  
-Nice to meet you. I'm Dr Payne. These are my residents, Dr Tomlinson and Dr Horan. Thanks, Zayn.  
The dark-haired man nodded and turned to the reception.  
-Let's get in, I'll explain a little how things work around here.  
As they entered, a pleasant warmth washed over Harry.  
There were two brown armchairs and a carob-coloured desk with a chair behind it. The walls were soft yellow, almost white, and there were several books. He also noticed a white gurney.  
-Here, you must change your clothes. We must also check that you do not have any contraband objects.  
-I beg your pardon?  
-Blades, pills...- The doctor said while counting with his fingers  
-Oh, okay.  
Dr Payne, whose name was Liam according to a small plaque on top of his desk, indicated him to change his clothes. The green-eyed felt quite uncomfortable under the doctor's watch, so he covered his body with his hands as much as he could.  
When he finished putting on that ugly white uniform and black slip-on shoes, he carefully turned in his clothes.  
-Nothing suspicious. In this case, how do we proceed doctor Tomlinson?  
-You have to analyse the patient's situation with a series of questions, and then stipulate how long approximately it should be under observation.  
-Very well. I formally introduce you to Dr Louis Tomlinson. he will be the one to track your progress and you'll have appointments with me twice a week. Please sit down, I have to ask you a few questions. Tomlinson, stay, watch and learn, Horan, you are free to go.  
-I'll go see if Dr Godfrey needs anything  
Payne nodded.  
-Can I call you Harry?  
-Yeah sure  
-Tell me, Harry, why did you decide to come?  
-I am a musician and my representative demanded me to see a psychiatrist for certain attitudes. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and generalised anxiety disorder after months of testing. I also had some manic episodes, but I didn't get diagnosed with anything else. They gave me some medications, but my manager made me stop taking them because I was numb and dizzy all day and that was affecting my development as a singer. I had a breakdown due to this a few days ago and he said that if I wanted to keep working under his label I had to come here.  
-I see. Did you ever hurt yourself? Remember that we are not going to judge you, we are here to help you.  
-Yes...  
-During the episodes?  
-Not necessarily  
-Ok, would you give the name of your previous psychologist?  
-Swift, Taylor Swift.  
A small device on Liam's belt chimed, flashing a blue light  
-Tomlinson, I have to go to check on a patient, can you proceed with Mr Styles' review?  
-Yep-Louis smiled while grabbing his notebook.  
Liam left that office and the blue-eyed doctor approached him, taking his hands out of his pockets and putting white medical gloves on.  
-I hope we get along well, we're going to spend most of the day together.  
His voice sounded calmer than before. Harry supposed he was nervous earlier because Liam was testing him. His voice was sweet, a little bit raspy but also calming.  
-Each patient has an assigned resident?  
-No. May I?- He asked, lightly grasping the curly's wrist, who nodded.  
-I need you to tell me if you don't feel comfortable with any procedure, okay?  
-It's okay  
Louis pressed his lips forming a tender smile. He checked his arms carefully like if the curly one was so fragile that could collapse at any moment.  
Well in some way, it was true.  
-Do these bruises hurt?  
-A little, why are you checking them?  
-Because it's my job- he said now, checking the green-eyed face. The brown-haired one gently ran his thumbs through the dark circles of the young man -You said you were a musician?  
-Yes, I am.  
-How many hours you used to sleep?  
-It depends, sometimes three, maximum four.  
-Do you know how many hours you should sleep?  
-Yes, but it is not like I can... I mean, I have to work hard, you know? And you are a resident, is not like you sleep eight hours.  
-It's not the same  
-Why not? we work hard -When I first started to study, I knew that the first time I wouldn't be able to sleep. I'm pretty sure that when you signed with that label, you did not expect to be exploited.  
-I... I am not exploited...  
-The bruises, what are they from?  
No answer. 

-Harry, you must te...  
-You are a doctor, can't you know?- Harry aggressively answered  
-I want you to tell me, I can think something but maybe I'm wrong.  
-I can not tell you  
-Okay, why?  
-You should sign a contract, clarifying that you won't say anything.  
-You didn't tell me anything but you told me everything. Also, not even the clumsiest one has three bruises on his arm, one next to each other. Have you reported it to the police?  
-What I say is nothing against what he says.  
The ocean eyes doctor didn't say anything else, he preferred to shut up.  
-You said you used to hurt yourself, didn't you?  
-Yes, but not anymore. And I have no scars so I save you the trouble of searching.  
-can I tell you something? Pretend that I'm your friend.  
-Yeah sure  
-You're a lousy liar.  
Louis one gently ran his hands over the green-eyed thighs, who shuddered because of the man's touch  
\- You have visible scars on your legs. You don't have to lie to me, whether you told me or not, at some point I would realize.  
-I'm sorry...  
-It's okay, but don't do it, you must be sincere. It doesn't qualify as progress that you lie.  
-Well...Friends don't lie  
The doctor laughed, lowering his head  
-I am glad to know that we are friends.


	2. Chapter II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, if you can, tell me what you think abt the story! I'm trying to do my best, and people's comments are important to me :)  
> Edited: Sorry guys, I was busy 'cause of school. Tomorrow I'm posting Chapter 3!

-This is your bedroom. You… you don’t have a roommate, so you can choose which bed you want. Most of the time you will have someone checking on you. In the case you feel like an episode is about to start, you have this anti-panic button, press it and I’ll be here as soon as possible.  
-Um… okay…  
\- There is a timetable on the wall. The time to wake up is at 6 AM and bedtime is at 10 PM. Breakfast is at 6:30 and you need to stay in the dining hall until 7 AM. At 9 are given some snacks, but it is optional. Lunch it is at 12, then at 4 PM, snack party again– Louis smiled, trying to be funny because he felt the tension Harry was carrying. The green-eyed smiled, but just for courtesy –and dinner it is at 7. Remember the rule of staying at least 30 minutes in the dining hall.  
-What’s the reason for that rule?  
-Because some people here are treated for eating disorders. It is a method to stop them from purging and we want to make them feel comfortable with staying at the dining hall for half an hour.  
-Oh, okay. And what do I do now?  
-Well, you have these little sections, you can draw, paint, make bracelets, walk through the park, accompanied of course. But yeah, those are some of the… activities? if you want to call it that way. But you cannot stay in your room. Questions?  
-No. Uhm… can we go for a walk? It is… It’s been a long time since I walked without 30 paparazzies around me.  
-Of course-Louis responded with an elegant hand movement.  
Harry noticed that Tomlinson wasn’t like the other doctors. He was warmer and with some kind of domestic vibes, unconventional.  
Like he had, real feelings?  
The rest of the doctors and residents were cold and insensitive, like, when they were talking to the patients, they made quite clear that they never went through mental health issues.  
Why the fuck Simon sent him there? 

Well, luckily, Louis was nice to him!  
‘’Simon was nice at the beginning too, have you forgot? Loser’’  
The deep voice, his voice.  
-Stop- The green-eyed mumbled as they were leaving the building.  
-Sorry?  
-Uh… nothing  
-Harry  
‘’Lie, he won’t be able to help. He will blame you because you can’t do anything right.’’  
-I…  
‘’Don’t, is not worth it’’.  
-Why one resident takes care of multiple patients, but you only take care of me?  
\- Sorry, I cannot tell you that information.  
-And why are you nice to me?  
‘’Loser’’  
-Why I wouldn’t?  
-Because I am not nice, at all.  
-I am nice because everyone deserves to be treated with kindness.  
Harry became silent. He observed, amazed, the backyard of the hospital. It was like an uncomfortable disturbing dream, where everything was perfect but something just didn’t feel right.  
Harry heard Louis’ breathing, reminding him to breath and that everything there was real.  
He sighed.  
-Tell me about your career, I have never treated a musician before.  
-It sucks.  
-Why? I thought you liked your job.  
The blue-eyed put his hands on his pockets, slightly closing his eyes because of the tenue sunlight, spying with shyness from between the tall ancestral trees.  
-I don’t like a job where I just sing. I want to compose, tell interesting stories through my music, not just sing about a pretty blond girl with a stereotypical body I met once.  
-What about your manager?  
-A greedy fucker that only cares about money.  
-Oh… About the bruises…  
-No  
-Okay  
-I don’t trust you, I’m sorry.  
-You do not need to apologize; these things take time.  
-Then you were not expecting me to tell you?  
-I would have been surprised if you did.  
Harry sighed as they sat on an old white bench, where you could see a nice lake (that wasn’t part of the hospital)  
-I… Um… I went to an audition expecting to earn some money so I could run away from my house-Louis didn’t say anything, he was expecting Harry to talk-I was a young boy looking for freedom but then the real world hit me-Harry said- Fuck I am so stupid…  
His deep voice now had some highs, indicating that he was breaking, his red lips started trembling and he felt the tears clogged in his throat.  
He won’t cry, not there.  
‘’boys don’t cry, Styles’’.  
‘’I hope he is not staring’’.  
-No, you are not. As you said, you were just trying to escape.  
-I should have imagined that the real world outside my house was fucked.  
-Do not blame yourself for something so normal like innocence is.  
-I’m sorry…  
-Why?  
-For being so stubborn.  
-Harry listen, I will never judge you, never. It is part of the process of healing to talk about it. And it is normal to unconsciously, resist the treatment.  
-I guess… maybe…  
-Do you believe that, eventually, you will be able to become stable?  
-Not really. I feel like I am going to stay here forever.  
-Well I do, I believe in you and I will be here to help you to get through the treatment, okay?  
‘’You are so bright and lovely that you will eventually ask for another resident when you realize I’m fucked up.’’


End file.
